This Week in Grief and Media: 5/21/24
law school graduation, crying in Massachusetts and begging the question: is somebody gonna match my freak?
This newsletter is a day late, something I’m hoping no one noticed in a bad way, but then again someone complaining probably would have been nice. In the future, I’d like to receive a strongly-worded email or two.
Last week I traveled back to the east coast for my sister’s law school graduation. I’m so excited for and proud of her. Law school sounds really hard, but even if it wasn’t, I’m thrilled that she’s on a path that is such a great fit for her. I’m starting grad school in the fall, a decision I would not have felt comfortable making if it wasn’t for my sister paving the way for graduate-level education first. I’m inspired by her. Elle Woods and my sister really make a girl want to achieve anything she sets her mind to.
Of course, traveling to the east coast doesn’t come without many tears. California to Massachusetts is a path I’ve done probably a couple dozen times at this point—trips to where my parents grew up, visiting my sister at her undergraduate college, holidays and, more permanently, relocating with my mom a few months before she died so she could finally move home.
Massachusetts used to be magical to me, and in ways it still is—my parents would talk about their hometowns the way I now talk about my hometown of San Diego. I guess home never really leaves you, and by blood, I have a home in Massachusetts too. But it makes me sad that I’ll never be able to truly see it through their eyes again. I can imagine based on past stories, but I’ll never hear any new ones.
Back in January, 10 years after my dad passed and two years after my mom, we spread both of their ashes at a beach they would vacation at on the Cape. It’s where my mom requested their ashes go, and it was freeing to finally honor that request. I like to imagine that now their ashes are in every body of water, that I can look out at the Pacific Ocean here in San Francisco and know they’re connected to it. But, I have to say, being able to have bagels for breakfast on my birthday over the weekend at the beach where we spread their ashes a few months ago—I felt so connected to them. Like if they were still alive and we were all in town for my sister’s graduation, breakfast could have gone the same way it did on Saturday.
Maybe it’s all about making new memories in Massachusetts and knowing they’d be there if they could. Or, who knows. Maybe they are.
Living in my mind, rent free, has been this video of two people dancing to Tinashe’s song Nasty. (Source: @grruessome)
I love everything about this video, and husband of GRIEF AND MEDIA PROJECT and I are constantly working on the choreo around the apartment. Specifically, I love the way he bites his finger. It’s these sort of stylistic choices that make good dancers great and great dancers legends. I may not remember his name, but his impact is forever imprinted on me.
I’m also obsessed with the concept of someone matching “my freak,” something I think Jack does—we love to get like 48 oysters each every time we see $1 oysters.
I said I would have an essay last week, which was a bit ambitious considering I was traveling. It was the old oh I’ll work on it on the plane, but when I pulled out my laptop, I instead found myself watching Selling the OC. All that to say I’ll have the essay for you this week.
And THIS THURSDAY, you must stay tuned. Because a podcast may be coming THIS THURSDAY. I don’t want to be specific to maintain an air of mystery, but I hope you’re ready for THIS THURSDAY. Like, get your Spotify/Apple/other-podcast-app and headphones ready. For THIS THURSDAY. I’m just saying. (Was that mysterious?)
We have the lovely Miscellaneous section of the database, and in it includes podcasts that discuss and depict grief.
On my regular rotation is the podcast Vibe Check, hosted by Sam Sanders, Saeed Jones and Zach Stafford, that deep dives into news and culture. Last year, following the loss of Sam’s mom, they did a whole episode about grief and loss. I found it to be incredibly well done, made me feel seen and in ways helped me be more open about my own losses with friends and my community. Honestly, I’m not sure there would be a GRIEF AND MEDIA podcast or PROJECT for that matter without this particular podcast episode.
I hope you check it out and let me know what you think.
That’s it for This Week in Grief and Media. Please consider sharing the GRIEF AND MEDIA PROJECT with a friend. It would mean the world! <3
Don’t forget to join the conversation in the comments or the subscriber chat! I’d love to hear about your week in grief and media.
