This Week in Grief and Media: 6/24/24
frolicking in San Diego, carne asada fries are magic, clocking in for my shift at the Love Island factory
I was in my hometown of San Diego this week. Being in San Diego makes me frolic around like I just got divorced from Tom Cruise.
I suppose everyone has some sort of strong feeling about their hometown, whether positive or negative, but I’m convinced San Diego is the best place to be from and the best place to feel a sense of ownership over. I even extensively complained about all the new gentrified storefronts in North Park like a true boomer. Despite the way it’s changed over the last three years, being there felt right. Where else in the world can you get drinks with your mentor then see a friend at a bus stop and end up all getting happy hour together? I keep saying it, but this is what life is about. The greatest people I’ve ever known have called San Diego home at some point in their life. Sure, maybe that’s because I’ve spent most of my life there—but I think there’s more magic to it than just that.
Another piece of the San Diego magic is its Mexican food. Any person born and raised here will tell you their favorite taco shop, and it’s likely the one in their particular neighborhood that they grew up going to. But my neighborhood taco shop is built different—it’s actually the best. Sarita’s carne asada fries taste like heaven, and also exactly how they have since I got them for the first time in middle school.
When I lived in Los Angeles, I made the drive (the 101 to the 5 to the 805 to the 8… yea I said “the!”) back home to San Diego dozens of times. And I went so frequently because my mom was there, home waiting for me.
Husband of GRIEF AND MEDIA PROJECT is insistent on driving the California coast instead of flying, so on our trek from San Francisco, we did that (what should be) two-hour portion as the last stretch. And I had him get off at Lake Murray Blvd and go to my old apartment complex I lived at with my mom and park and walk up to apartment number six like I’ve done so many times before.
I don’t know why I do these things. There’s a part of me that feels like if I just think about my mom hard enough, I’ll be able to conjure her up right there, or my body will be lifted into the atmosphere with clouds of pixie dust and beams of light and I’ll be transported back to 2019 when my mom was here and alive and well. Or maybe I felt like I needed a good cry, as if crying about her wasn’t something I already average about six times a week.
My mom would likely be like, “Why?” if I told her I went to the apartments. And I would answer her by launching into a 20-minute-long rant, I’m sure. She would get it—she just wouldn’t want me to feel like I had to visit the complex in order to feel like she’s still here. But there’s something nice in doing things and knowing exactly how she would react.
Okay, holy shit!!!! Love Island USA is actually so fucking good this season. I try to only use expletives in my writing minimally and when absolutely necessary, but FUCK! It’s so good. Despite only being about two weeks in, I will take a stand and say this is the best season of Love Island I’ve seen so far, tying only with maybe the UK’s fifth season.
Typically I consume Love Island like a job you’re overall indifferent about but you like the benefits it provides. I’m doing my job description, but I’m logging off at like 4:30 and logging on at, maybe, 9:45ish the next morning with no remorse. This season, though, I’m logging on at 8 a.m. with my coffee in hand, ready to seize the day. I’m literally sat.
Here’s a video from last Thursday’s episode to convince you to watch this season if you’re not already.
I admittedly have not caught up with Perfect Match, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how much Netflix pisses me off. While no reality show is perfect, you can tell shows like Love Island or Survivor are all around stronger than all the Netflix reality shows like Love is Blind or The Circle or The Ultimatum or Too Hot to Handle or-
These Netflix shows have faced lawsuits, casted men who abuse the women they get matched with, don’t protect the mental health and wellbeing of their contestants, and so on. As if that’s not enough, these shows are created to make the biggest splash right now, versus being created for longevity, which is why so many seasons are either hit or miss. The binge-able episode drops are strategic—they’re not done for audiences in mind.
And, listen, I’m still going to watch Perfect Match (someday… soon, I really do promise) but I don’t want Netflix to ruin the landscape of reality television with their shitty business models! We need to be supporting shows like Love Island USA season six, people!!!!
Newest podcast episode went up last week: an episode all about grieving through horror movies. This was a good one. Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, directly on Substack or wherever you listen to podcasts by searching “GRIEF AND MEDIA.”
Note that I’ll be releasing episodes every other week moving forward!
I’m also toying with the idea of starting to write more in-depth newsletters about the media I’m consuming—like Love Island USA or Perfect Match when, I swear, I watch season two. I’m toying with this idea the same way I toy the idea of trying stand-up or getting my PhD, where I’m fully serious and likely will do it if circumstances allow. So stay tuned for that.
(Wait, I just had an idea to do a Pretty Little Liars first-time watch and write about it. Jotting it down here so I remember.)
I had an (amazing!!!) upcoming podcast guest share their use of comedy to aid in grieving. I haven’t watched yet, but they recommended Marlon Wayans’s Good Grief.
That’s it for This Week in Grief and Media. Please consider sharing the GRIEF AND MEDIA PROJECT with a friend. It would mean the world! <3
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